once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
