Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
