and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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