the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize