Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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