If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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