Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
this hospital has no fireball
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
