woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize