Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
birth control should be required to get into college
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
