WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I cannot find my penis.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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