This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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