I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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