JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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