this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
