I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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