I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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