Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
