Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
