Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Randomize
