We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize