1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Drunk is not a location!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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