he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
