I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
