he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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