now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We need to get me chipped asap
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
