You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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