Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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