NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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