I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
