I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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