Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Still dying that you shit outside
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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