Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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