People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
