mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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