i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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