My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
