Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
