I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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