Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
