I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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