sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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