How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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