my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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