those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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