Apparently you make a good broom.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
