i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
