Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
