p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
