You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
