Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
