Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
