My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh god it's open bar.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
