I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
