in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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