I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
