Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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