Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Come on in and take your pants off
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