My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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