This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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