I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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