A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
did i walk over a car last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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