Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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