So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
