I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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