I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
