you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
