Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
