Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
