she was so not down for the gang bang
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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