margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
