Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
