Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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