When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize