I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
