I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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