OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
