I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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