There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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