You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
