C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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