i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
