Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
