what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize