hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
