Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
