Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
PANTIES FOUND
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
