LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
