just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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