new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
