How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize