Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
