I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
