yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
