he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
