the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize