I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
