I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
