a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
