Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
3 2 1 whiskey
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize