i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
