I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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