I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
