I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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