think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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