I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
