I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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