if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
